Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Axis of EVOO

This morning, John Kerry sat down with the perennially annoying Katie Couric to give his rebuttal to last night's State of the Union address.

After checking several blogs, both liberal and conservative, I learned that somebody got schooled. What nobody can seem to agree on is whether Kerry schooled Couric, or Couric schooled Kerry. I know what my opinion is, but that has more to do with my bias toward John Kerry as a paragon of manliness and character, and my bias against Katie Couric as a hack and a harpy, than with what really happened. (If you ask me, I think Couric was, in fact, the schooled party. But nobody did ask me, so go ahead and judge for yourself.)

What it did settle, once and for all, was that I can now, with complete conviction, argue that Katie Couric is more painful to watch than Rachael Ray of the Food Network.

I was undecided on this matter for a while. But after watching KC make an actual, honest-to-goodness Pouty Face at Kerry, when he asserted that the media hasn't been hard enough on the current administration, I started wondering: Would Rachael Ray, irritatingly exuberant celebrity chef, get along better with the Senator than The Today Show's petulant girl reporter?

The answer is an unqualified YES. I can just imagine her inviting him on her show to help whip up a DELICIOUS 30-minute version of the official Senate Bean Soup, so grateful to finally have somebody to respond to her incessant chatter. And what color is YOUR spoonula, Senator?

The Senator would then reply that he thought he had a spoonula at home, but that it was Teresa's, and probably red in color, thus unleashing a deluge of ketchup questions from Ms. Ray, and about which the Senator would be an awfully good sport, if non-committal. He might even retaliate with a comment on RR's dependence on foreign EVOO.

(I said I loved him, okay? I never said I loved him because he wasn't a huge nerd.)

I don't know what protocol dictates when it comes to US Senators wearing aprons on TV. My guess is that Rachael would make him wear one anyway, and I am not going to claim that I wouldn't enjoy that. I'm not going to claim that Rachael wouldn't, either.

But most importantly, RR would be unable to resist asking the good Senator about certain other high-profile government officials, and the Senator would grin and lavish glowing praise on each and every one - sometimes sincerely, and sometimes not. And Rachael, in turn, would rhapsodize over the AWESOMENESS of Alton Brown and the fact that Paula Deen ROCKS. And then she would make a deliciously fatal mistake:

"But the time I was on Katie Couric's show..."

And she would freeze, for just a second, and so would John Kerry. And then somebody would say, "Yeah..." and then somebody else would say "Yeah..." and almost immediately, the subject would change. Possibly to cooking for the USO.

But nobody would ever forget the Night that John Kerry and Rachael Ray Threw Down the Gauntlet and Totally Dissed Katie Couric without Really Saying a Word.

I know I never will.


At 6:57 PM, Blogger Kerryvisionary said...

I wish to associate myself with the totally crrrraaaazy and wonderful remarks of the senator from Democraftyland.

At 7:44 PM, Blogger Democrafty said...

I'd ask that my comments, along with KV's admission of lunacy, be entered into the record.

At 8:59 PM, Anonymous AzKerrycrat said...

This is a great

I love John Kerry too!!!

At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, great blog!
~yet another American who admires the courage, integrity, judgement, and dedication of John Kerry

At 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Democrafty, You are an evoo genius. :) ROFLMAO You rock.

At 8:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let y'all know that I really enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work and I'll visit often!

JK '08!


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