Thursday, June 15, 2006

John Kerry Rocks! Something Must Be Done! And Quick!

According to an email I read yesterday from John Kerry's press office, on Wednesday, "the Office of the Secretary of Defense distributed a 74-page' debate prep book' to arm Republicans with material to help them defend the Bush Administration's Iraq policies in the Congressional debate on Iraq."

I'm trying to be more bipartisan lately, since, after all, admiration for a particular Senator's hair and height does not a political ethos make, so instead of greeting the news of the How to Fight Dems Right Off Their Precious, Peacenik Moral High Ground Manual with a hearty, "OMG WTF??? RUMMY, YOU A$$CLOWN," I tried to have some sympathy for the other side.

And lo and behold, I have a lot of sympathy - at least, for the poor interns who had to type, copy, and distribute that crap.

I also tried to have some sympathy for the poor Republican Senators (all a$$hat, no a$$cattle) who are feeling the pressure of that looming amendment to set a timetable in Iraq. Note to Republican Senators/future emperors: Rome wasn't built in a day. Squelching principled dissent is hard work!

You can read about the kerfuffle at the Democratic Daily, and if you want something visual (that's really TOO abysmal), you can check out JK's reaction to yesterday's phony debate by watching our video. Following that, don't miss the Dynamic Dems take on the sad situation.

So, if you're paying attention (or letting us pay attention for you) one thing has become clear: John Kerry is becoming a real problem. He will not shut up. He will not go away. He will not stop being an excellent, impassioned writer. And normally, for all this, I would cheer him on like a good groupie, but in the interest of bipartisanship, I have to remember that John Kerry's principled stances are pissing off both the right and the left, and I need to be a good citizen and DO something about this mad genius with his Senate resolutions and his Vineyard Vines Ties!

Which brings me to the point of this blog entry: to announce my intent to establish a new 527: The Fear Of John Kerry Political Action Committee. Not to be confused with the Friends of John Kerry PAC, which is just turning out to be a big enabler in the pernicious process of John Kerry SPEAKING and the American people LISTENING.

The mission of Fear of John Kerry is simple. I wish to provide Kerry-Fearers on the right and left with the following:

  • Smelling salts for those pesky vapors that seem to occur when John Kerry out-fundraises, oh, EVERYONE. Again.

  • A ginormous cane with which Harry Reid or his designee may yank John Kerry off the Senate floor any time he is speaking with too much intelligence, common sense, and/or moral authority.

  • Hackers to reduce the size of his email list.

  • Studio time for the right to record its hit song, "The Terror, Terror, 9-11 Cut and Run Serenade"

  • And, for every potential voter, a "John Kerry Irrelevance Kit," which includes: ear plugs for his tv and radio appearances, scissors for cutting his op-eds from newspapers, a pair of dark glasses to dull his dazzling smile, a picture of him windsurfing to remind us of his one great crime against humanity, and a lifetime subscription to The New Republic.


I hope you will all join me. We need to act fast, because John Kerry may save us if we let him. Can't have that.

1 Comments:

At 6:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A work of art. Where do I join this pac? I'm all for it.

 

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