Friday, March 24, 2006

Tie Day: Skate-Lacing Edition

It's hockey season, and we at the We Love John Kerry Blog... well, we couldn't care less. No offense to hockey fans or players, but between football, crafts, and trying to restore the art of bird-doggin' to its original splendor, I just don't have too much time to follow, say, the Bruins.

BUT Senator Kerry likes hockey, and we like Senator Kerry, so in the interest of being a good sport, today's tie doesn't feature a Windsor knot. It's not even a noun! It is, instead, John Kerry tying his skate laces...
...and, honestly, there's not much to say about that. He's obviously pretty good at it.

In other hockey news, do you remember when the Senator played hockey with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith?
It seems that Mr. Tyler will be undergoing surgery and unable to tour for a while. That's really too bad, because, above and beyond the obvious reasons, it looks like he'll have to it looks like he'll miss the panel discussion with Senator Kerry and others entitled, "Ascension into Rock Goddery: How to Deal with the Incessant Bird-Doggers."

Yes, the panel discussion is a complete fabrication. But now that I've made it up, I'm dying to make it happen. That's almost the kind of thing that'd be worth hiring a lobbyist for.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Bird-Doggin': How You Can Help

When somebody passed me a link to a site devoted to Bird-Dogging John Kerry, I was effing ESTATIC. Finally, I thought, there are throngs of Kerrymaniacs throwing their panties and screaming "SHOW US YOUR TIE! SHOW US YOUR TIE!" when the Senator walks by. Finally, fangirls who live too far away are too ladylike for such shenanigans have a voice!

Not so, it would seem. Apparently, the bird-doggers in question like to hang out near his office, claim he's pro-war (he's not), and hope that Greens and Libertarians will form an alliance and take over the world or something.

So, you know, that's fine, because this is America, and we have laws to protect protest, no matter how puzzling and dork-like.

But may I just say that, where I come from, bird-doggin' - apologies to the Green/Libertarian alliance, but the final "g" should be, if not left off all together, silent - is NOT about politics, except in cases in which the bird-dogger thinks politics are a turn on. Which they are.

Ladies of Boston, I'm disappointed in you. Where ARE you? You're clearly not yelling yourselves hoarse over Johnny Damon anymore, and that Junior Senator of yours isn't getting any shorter. Just saying.

(Although, if you do end up hanging around the Kerry offices, undergarments in hand, for the love of God, don't tell them I sent you. If I get in trouble for bird-doggin' Senators, I want to at least BE there.)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

This Just In: THK Apparently Stops Kids from Killing Themselves

No surprise, really - have you ever seen her with those Kids for Kerry members? They freaking LOVE her.

In all seriousness, Teresa Heinz Kerry will receive the Aaron T. Beck Award for Excellence in the Field of Suicide Prevention at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) Aaron T. Beck Awards Dinner in a couple of weeks, and we are just delighted.

On a personal note, I may no longer be part of that all-too-troubled adolescent demographic, but since I certainly know how to act as though I were, I feel compelled to admit that THK (along with her husband, of course) is certainly on the Short List of Folks Who Stop Democrafty from Doing Herself In. I don't know if it's her pretty hair, her unique approach to political life, or her radical and clearly subversive agenda of helping people and trying to make their lives better, but she's doing something right, because every time I think of this sentiment from the Kerry/Heinz Kerry holiday card - "We have great hope for our country knowing you are there" - I am tempted to send one along that reads, "I refrain from gargling Windex because you are there."

Not being any sort of foundation unto myself, I can't present anybody with an award for making me want to live to blog another day - at least, not without seeming stalkerish and annoying - so I'll leave it at this: life is full of sadness and pain. I blog here because it's actually pretty rare to see somebody doing something about it. So, till next time, do me a favor: spread some love, and lay off the Windex.